look no pants
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
