They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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