Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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