i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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