nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pants are for mortals
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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