Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
