When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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