i think i have herpe
just one?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
