Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
