my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
