if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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