I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
