I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
