I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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