my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
