I want to have your abortion
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
