why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
