I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize