i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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