I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
