ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
