you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
