I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Every concussion has its silver lining
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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