remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
