how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
