Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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