i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Jerry, you need to find god
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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