He had one of those small greek statue penises
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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