Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
