The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
