Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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