It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
