i don't like sucking hair
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
