the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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