he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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