So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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