He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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