Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
