I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
