Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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