I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
