walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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