Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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