Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
