The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
