dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
