sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
