I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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