alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
