You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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