I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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