have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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