wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
