I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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