I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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