and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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