At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
