Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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