i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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