The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
