Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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