happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
