i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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