Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
