We're facebook friends in real life
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
