You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
